| My other webstuff Boats The Garden |
I was sitting in the garden with my ex flatmate Julie and we were having a talk about anger and emotions and the nature of thinking.
It occurred to me that our perception
of the world is like looking at the garden. There are so many things
that move in and out of perception as I look around. Each of them
will entirely dominate my mental field as I perceive it and then be
instantly gone as my perception moves to the next thing. This is the
self cleaning nature of the mind - its natural state is to be moving
onto the next thing.
Each thing experienced in the garden is
not "like a thought" it IS a thought - even the simplest
sense experiences - the warmth, the yellow, the blue. I only
experience them because they are a thought. If they don't make it
into my mind I am completely unaware of them.
If it is in my mind it is part of my
world. If it doesn't make it into my mind it doesn't become part of
my world.
All these thoughts come and go very naturally. None
of them have any hold at all. They come - they go. It is the nature
of thought
So I look at all the things in the garden. Most of
them are neutral with no particular association with me. In my hands
is a glass of water. If i am thirsty the glass has a use - I create
an association. If I am not thirsty I may not even notice that the
glass is there.
Even if I don't need the glass it may enter my mind – like the sky and the flowers, but then my mind will move away from it easily and naturally.
Many of the things
in the garden have a use when associated with a certain circumstance.
If there is a need or desire - then I can pick something out of the
garden that will answer that need. A glass of water for my thirst,
some flowers for the table, a saw to cut up some of the fallen
branches, broom to sweep the verandah. They are in the garden all
the time, but it is only when they relate to a need or desire that
they become important.
Think of all the hundreds or thousands
of different items in the cupboards and drawers of your home - almost
totally forgotten, but available if they are needed or wanted.
At
a time of need or desire a particular item will suddenly become
relevant. The glass is only important to me when I need a drink.
If
I don't have a need or desire or a like or a dislike the mind will
move cleanly away from the glass onto the next perception.
The mind does not treat them any differently at all. They appear in my mind for a moment and then disappear as the next thought comes along – or I notice the blue of the sky, or perceive any object.
A thought comes and then it disappears as the mind moves onto the next thing.
The warmth of the sun is in my mind
Then the glass is in my mind
Then the barking of a dog is in my mind
Then the thought of my brother is in my mind
Then the thought that he seemed happy last time I spoke to him is in my mind
Then the bite of a mosquito is in my mind.
It is still natural for the mind to move onto the next thing and the previous thing disappears completely.
Where are the
boundaries of the garden? It has a wooden fence up one side, has two
metal fences and the southern side is bounded by the house..
Important to keep practical - this is not really a metaphor - it is a
real garden – a real experience. But there is another boundary.
My body is in the garden, my senses, my mind (at the moment) is in
the garden perceiving all this. In general there is some sort of
line drawn as these closer objects move into perception.
There
is the garden - and there is ME - which is separate to the garden. I
can come and go. Me and the Garden are two different things.
The
fence, this grass is very different from my foot, my feelings, my
thinking.
At this point I move away from thinking about the
garden and start thinking about Myself - but really what is the
boundary between the two?
Between the self and the not-self?
The
boundary is arbitrary and changes continually - totally dependent on
where I place those words "I" and "mine".
The
meaning of "I" and "mine" is that they attach
something that is intrinsically "not me" to my idea of
myself. This attachment happens in a temporary way.
For
example "My" glass is is very temporary - I am in someone
else's house - so the glass is mine only from the time I am given it
full of water to the next time it gets washed up.
But while
I want it, it is "my" glass. If someone takes it away I
ask "can I have my glass back". If they refuse I get
angry. But in the end it always ends up being considered by someone else as "mine".
So what about
My Body ... how long is it MINE -
until when?
My emotions - the fastest changing things of all!!!
Coming and going so fast. Mine?
My mind ... the thoughts coming and
going.
All these things just come and go in and out of
perception quite spontaneously. Unless I associate them with myself
in some way.
"It is my cup"
"I am sad."
"I
like this"
"I don't like that"
All the four
statements link something that always changes naturally by itself to my sense of "I".
So instead of my mind moving away from them in a natural way it is
held firmly in one place.
The cup becomes mine - and I am afraid
of it being broken.
I am sad - and the sadness becomes something I
hold onto rather than let the mind move onto the next thing.
I
like this - and become happy when it is near and unhappy when it is
not around
I don't like that - and become sad when it is near and
happy when it is not around.
"I" and "my"
are not the enemy - they are markers - as soon as I hear myself using
them I can remember that their purpose is to attach something that is
temporary to my sense of self in a temporary way – for as long as
the idea of “my” or “mine” is in my mind.
The natural
state for any thought (including these) is for the mind to move on to
the next thing.
For example I can't simultaneously hold all
these associations in my head at one time. "I" am made up of many
different objects and thoughts and perceptions - but they all come
and go all the time.
Like when I'm looking at the garden - I
can only look at one thing at a time - an ant, a stone - some of
these single things are collective - the leaves of a tree, a blade of
grass, the sky and clouds. But i cant think of the leaves of a tree
at the exact same time as I think of the water in my cup.
I
can arrange a composite scene with them both leaves and my cup in
there, but then that composite scene is the sole object of my
perception at that point. But only at a point in time.
So what holds the garden together? Why do I perceive it as one thing, when it is clearly an aggregate of completely different perceptions that may or may not have some temporary links to one another.
It is only held together as one thing when I put effort into thinking of it as one thing. As soon as I stop making the effort the mind will move onto something else.
There
is no Garden unless I decide to include all the different things in
that place in the one Idea of
“Garden”
I might think of the Sun and and Garden
as separate, or I can include the warmth of the Sun in my idea of
Garden.
How big is the Garden? No finite size, no finite
content. As small as a pile of leaves - large enough to include the
sky.
How big
am I?
Same question, same answer.
I
change size, form, content on this continuous basis.
I can go from being as small as my little toe. When I kick something really hard with my little toe - when I hurt it - it is the only thing in my mind - I have hurt "myself" - I don't think of my nose at that time - I am completely involved in being my toe.
I can be as big as the universe -
sitting down on the sand by the water looking at that star filled sky
and having total forgetfulness about the body. We all have experiences like
this.
Which is correct? Am I my little toe? Am I the starry
(starry) night?
It
is only possible for me to gain these
temporary forms because I am free of form, colour, shape, ego,
emotion, flowers, trees. If I had any form I would return to that form
always once there was no object of perception. But I don't resolve back
to
anything at all.
I have no form at all. Right now I am
completely free. None of these things, no perceived object,
perceived thought or perceived emotion can bind me - they will be
gone the next moment.
But the Magic is ... I'm the one that holds them together! All the forms are held together by the formless me.
One of my favourite religious
conversations was between the 3rd Buddhist Patriarch in China and the
man who would become his successor.
"Master, forgive me my
sins"
"Show me where they are"
"I cannot
find them"
"You are now free of your
sins"
Intrinsically free of sins - free of form - of
change - of colour - of pain - of desire - of ego - of emotions.
Form is ungraspable, formlessness is inescapable.
You
are free right now. Nothing to do. Nothing to change. Nothing to
know.
That's the way it has always been.
It is unchanging and perfect.
And it is you.